What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
