her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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