and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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