im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
