I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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