She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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