Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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