So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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