You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
