Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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