i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
