I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
