I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
