Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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