If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
