Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
