Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
