i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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