508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
