Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
