Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
