I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize