bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
