we have pet lesbian snakes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
