RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
