just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize