So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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