How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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