I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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