i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
