You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
