wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
