I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
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It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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