i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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