How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Pants are for mortals
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
