If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize