mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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