My friends, they love my intelligence
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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