I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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