there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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