dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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