Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
