I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
