got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
