Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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