Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
