I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
