you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
