Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
