i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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