he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize