just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
