if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
