I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
