Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
