The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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