the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
