Can i not drive my cunt home
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
