weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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