Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
