Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
