they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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