Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
