this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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