Having a random hookup so left but love u
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
