you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
