Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
