I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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