Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
