evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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