I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
