Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
