turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
