I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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