if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
