I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
