Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
