You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
im holly from the hills drunk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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