if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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