I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
