I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
